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Just this past March, she found
out something awful
She went to hear a doctor from
New York give a talk on women
and AIDS. The doctor revealed all
the things they've learned in the
last few years. How babies can be
born with their mothers'AIDS anti-
bodies,but then lose them a year or
so later. How pregnant women with
AIDS can take the drug AZT to pro-
tect their unborn children. because her nose is shaped like a
• r r
If only they'd known that in 1988. parrot's beak But it could be be-
Back then,the doctor in Jackson- cause she's a chatterbox. There have been lots of tomor-
vine told Kilda that her baby stood a She does everything nonstop.She rows. Justin is 11, an athletic boy
95 percent chance of being born doesn't act like someone with a with dark skin and hazel eyes.
with AIDS. Said he'd already been deadly disease. She acts like some- "E,yerybody tells me he's going to
to three funerals that month for one on a mission,which she is. be a lady-killer,"his mother says. "I'
AIDS babies. Said her own immune I know it's hard for you, but you can see the girls lining up at the
system would be so compromised need to try. . door. But I wonder if I'm going to
by pregnancy it would shorten her It's why she wears herself out be around for all that."
life.Recommended abortion. talking to churches and civic groups Jeff has adopted Justin. George,
Said she needed to decide right and volunteering at Hope and Help, his biological dad who got AIDS
away. She was almost 20 weeks. If an AIDS support agency. It's why from injecting drugs before he met
she waited any longer,she'd have to she has gone public with her story, Kilda,died two years ago.
carry the baby to term. risking the scorn this society re- She is feeling OK She quit work
Nilda thought about Jeff. This serves for people with AIDS. in November because she was gea
was his first child. Kilda is grateful that she and her ting tired and taking too many s lcrr
She thought about Justin. He family have received nothing but days. She takes a pill for pains and
needed a mother for as long as pos- support from family, Mends and fevers,to treat migraines and to pre-
sible. neighbors. vent pneumonia Some of her worst
She thought about the baby in- Once at the insurance agency feelings are from the drugs she
side of her. She was just sum it was where she used to work,she heard a takes to keep her from getting sick
the little girl she'd always longed co-worker criticizing people with _ y make her itch,break out in
for.She imagined it being born with AIDS, saying they just got what rashes and feel nauseated.
AIDS, living for a few, sick years, they deserved. Her doctor has said she can now
dying a painful death. She bit her tongue. Later,the co- apply for disability payments—you
There really was no choice, was worker apologized to her,saying she have to have enough of the syrup-
.there? If so, there was no time to couldn't believe somebody like toms of full-blown AIDS to qualify.
think of it. Nilda had AIDS. She qualifies because her T-cell
The abortion was no quick proce- "It amazes me that people still count — the white-blood cells that
dure: It was 12 painful hours of la- think this is a gay disease," she fight disease—has been under 200
bor.Amber Marie was delivered in a says. "It's not—it's an everybody's for a year.Healthy people have a T-
Jacksonville hospital at 9 p.m., still- disease.Babies get it!" cell count of 800 to 1,000.
born. The nurses took the baby's So do mommies. How much longer does Nilda
footprints and her picture. Justin was 7 when Nilda was put- English have? She needs at least
She refused to see the baby, but ting him to sleep one night He was five more years,for her hair to grow
she looked at the picture. A tiny saying his prayers and out came long."I don't want to die with short
bald person was swaddled in a this one "God can you take that hair,"she says,laughing.
white blanket, her hands crossed HIV or AIDS out of my mom?" After Justin prays every night his
over her chest,her eyes closed. "Oh, babito," she wailed. "I mother rubs his back until he falls
The doctor urged her to look at guess it's time for Mommy and asleep. She sits there in the dark,
the baby.He laid her on the led be- you to have a talk." She had thinking about him going through
tween her legs. Nilda and Jeff avoided telling him anything, puberty, graduating from high
looked. Then the nurses took Am- thinking him too young. But kids school,getting married...
bar Marie away. pick things up. Nilda had known That's about as far as she'll take
She still has the picture and the she was HIV-positive for two it.
footprints.She looks at them often. years. Both Jeff and Justin had Justin knows all about AIDS and
She has many regrets. This is tested negative. how to prevent it His mom made
one: "To this day, I wish I had held Justin started to cry into his sure of that He goes to her talks—
han" Mario Brothers sheets. at the last one he sat proudly in the
This is another: "I wish I could "Are you going to die?" he font row.Afterward he came up to
have her back.I wish that so bad." cried."I don't want you to." her and gave her a big hug.
y y ✓ "I know," she said, stroking his 'Tm so proud you're my mom,"
head, crying herself. "Everybody he said.
Her cousins call her Coto from co- has to die. But it's late right now. Kilda held Justin. "I'm so proud
Corm, the Spanish word for parrot, Tomorrow is another day." .you're my son."
qi/o y'/3